To Love Only Once
by shinigami714
Summary: Dwarves only love once, and Fili and Kili discover they are meant for each other. But still they are brothers, and struggle with that knowledge. Getting intimate is...difficult to say the least. Fili/Kili, incest, sex, For a prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme.


AN: For a prompt on the Hobbit kink meme. OP wanted a story in which dwarves love only once, and Fili and Kili struggle with accepting their love for one another, since they are brothers. Hence they have a few issues being intimate with one another because of the squick factor.

Pairing: Fili/Kili

Warnings: Sex, Incest

* * *

**To Love Only Once**

It all started when they were watching the ponies. Well, technically speaking one could argue it started the moment Kili had been born, but for the sake of this tale we will start at the ponies. Fili was incredibly bored. There was only so much one could do while watching ponies. The ponies themselves didn't offer much entertainment, nibbling at the grass, and occasionally flipping their manes around. Fili's eyes wandered over to his brother. Kili looked pretty bored too. Normally the two brothers would be chatting and laughing with each other, but honestly, they were both tired, and both hungry, and they both really wanted to be doing anything other than watching ponies graze. Anything.

Fili was easily distracted by his brother. Every so often Kili would twist his head slightly, his hair catching the wind, and he was plucking grass from the forest floor with one of his hands. Fili chuckled softly at the resemblance to the ponies they were watching, though Kili's hair was far more beautiful than any mane Fili had seen, even though he never braided it. The elder dwarf narrowed his eyes at the thought. Lately he'd been watching his brother a lot. He had always watched him to some degree, but the past few years there was just something more compelling there. His eyes wandered to Kili's face, tracing his profile. For a long while Fili gazed at his brother's full lips, imagining what they must feel like. He followed the line of his brother's neck down to where his vest was hanging open just slightly. Fili's heart tightened at the sight. He pulled his eyes away quickly. What was he thinking watching his brother like that?

Fili's heart was beating fast, and he felt himself flush lightly. He widened his eyes in realisation. Was this…it couldn't be! He placed his chin in his hand, stroking the two braids that hung there slowly. Fili knew that dwarves had only one love in their lifetime, a soul mate of sorts. He had been told that there was no other feeling like it. It was desperate and recognizable immediately. Fili whipped his head around to look back at his brother. He tried envisioning Kili with another, and immediately got enraged. Fili thought he might keel over. He was in love with his own brother! The thought both terrified and excited Fili. He had found his intended, he should have realised it sooner! The two of them had always been inseparable. The idea of losing his brother had constantly horrified Fili and an unbelievable need to keep Kili safe had resided in his gut for as long as he could remember. Their bond had always been stronger than that of just brothers. But…they were still brothers. It wasn't exactly conventional.

Fili wondered what his uncle would think. The bond between dwarven lovers was impenetrable, but, did it surpass even the bond of a brother? Would the other dwarves be disgusted? Would Kili be disgusted? Fili let out a short gasp of air at the thought. He knew realistically that his brother must also feel a similar pull, whether he realised it yet or not. But would he be able to accept it? Suddenly Kili's eyes connected with his own. His brother tossed him a bemused smirk.

"What is it brother? You're looking at me like I'm an orc or something," Kili inquired. When Fili offered no response other than continuing to stare shockingly at his brother, Kili's smirk turned into a frown.

"…Fili? Are…you okay?" Kili probed once more, worry plain on his face. Fili let out a short laugh, turning his head away from his brother.

"Yeah…yeah I'm great. Fine, just…thinking," Fili finally answered him, not entirely composed. He saw Kili incline his head slightly then look back towards the ponies.

"If you say so…," Kili muttered back, clearly not believing him.

Fili shut his eyes. He would have to figure this out soon; there was no way he could keep such thoughts to himself for long. He wasn't sure how long he'd been thinking this time when his brother hit him lightly on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Hey…Fili…how many ponies were there supposed to be again?" Kili asked, looking between him and where the ponies were tied. Fili raised an eyebrow then looked over to count them.

"Shit."

* * *

It had been several days since the incident with the trolls, and Thorin's company was relaxing for a small time in a clearing near a ravine. The dwarves particularly enjoyed the chance to bathe and stock up on fresh water. Even their burglar savoured it, sticking his large feet into the water and kicking them about. Fili was relaxing in the water after bathing. His head was tilted back over the edge of the ravine and his arms were splayed up on the grass. He breathed in deep. He desperately needed some time to himself to figure things out. Time alone was few and far between on their journey, and he reveled in it.

"Hey brother!" Kili yelled leaning over Fili's head and scaring him nearly to death. Fili flew back from the edge of the ravine in a flash, falling into the water with a splash. He coughed and spat water out of his mouth, pushed his long hair back from his eyes, and looked up at his brother in shock.

"You should see yourself! Think I was an ogre did you?" Kili spat out between laughs, bent over and pointing at him. Fili frowned and tried to calm himself.

"You're an idiot," he finally managed to say before moving back to his spot at the edge of the water.

"Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot? Or the one that got scared by the idiot?" Kili asked him with a grin then he started pulling his boots off and tossing them next to Fili's pile of clothes. Fili threw him a look of annoyance.

"Hope you don't mind if I join you," Kili stated casually, and then he started taking off the rest of his garments. Fili didn't answer, just tried not to be obvious about watching his brother undress. Fili couldn't believe how gorgeous his brother was. There was no way any dwarf should look like Kili did. Fili closed his eyes in frustration; he really needed to stop eyeing his brother. He felt the gentle rippling of the water next to him as Kili slid in and his body tensed ever so slightly. Fili told himself to act normal, like nothing was different. But it was impossible, for love could not be hidden so easily.

Kili relaxed for a bit and focused on bathing himself but before long he was his usual restless self and wanted to have some fun with his brother. It only took a couple of splashes and the two brothers were wrestling each other in the ravine, dunking the other under and throwing water in each other's faces. Fili was laughing at his brother while he tried to get water out of his ears when he was tackled head on. His arms instinctively wrapped around Kili's waist and he moved to cushion his brother's fall even though he'd been the one tackled. The two were thrush up against the edge of the ravine, Kili sitting in Fili's lap. Then the worst thing imaginable happened. Fili got hard, for his brother. It wiped the smile clean off his face. Kili froze and looked down in shock then back up into Fili's wide eyes.

Fili immediately pushed his brother firmly away from him and grabbed onto the grassy ledge fiercely. He was terrified of his brother's reaction but he had to look. Kili was standing in surprise, gaping at his brother, his mouth opening and closing, long dark locks framing his face. Neither dwarf spoke. Then a small noise escaped Kili's lips, and he blushed and looked down at himself, his hands moving to cover his own arousal. The younger dwarf looked at his brother in embarrassment. Fili blinked at Kili for some time, unsure what to do or say. Eventually Kili gasped and lifted a hand to cover his mouth, realisation dawning in his eyes. They both knew.

If Bombur hadn't called them for supper the brothers would have stood there shivering in silence for days, looking only at each other. They might as well have been turned to stone like the trolls.

* * *

Orcs were upon them. When Thorin had nodded at Kili to kill the one on the rock above, his heart filled with fear. Kili had never seen orcs before, just knew of them from tales. He felt bad for teasing the hobbit those few nights ago now; the orcs were disgusting and vicious creatures. He had taken a sidelong glance at his brother for reassurance, the first one since he'd discovered his true feelings for Fili. Things had been awkward between them, but now was not the time for such emotions. His brother nodded slightly at him, telling Kili he would make sure to protect him, to keep him safe.

Kili closed his eyes once then turned to make the shot, revealing himself to the orc and warg. He'd hit, but not quite killed them, and for a moment he thought he might get devoured. Fili had grabbed him, pulling him back to safety and holding him tight in his arms while the other dwarves finished the job. Kili listened to the wretched noises the warg made writhing on the ground and leant back farther in his brother's embrace. The comfort didn't last long; they were on the run again, the sound of the warg giving their position away. Kili shot arrow after arrow, but there were far too many orcs so he ran, and Fili had grabbed his hand pulling him down the tunnel with him.

His brother had checked him over making sure he was unhurt, brushing his hands through Kili's dark hair. Their eyes connected for a long moment and Kili could see the love there. He wanted to kiss his brother, but the idea scared him, and they were amidst the rest of the company. It wasn't until later that night the two had a chance to really discuss things. They were alone, in an isolated hallway in Rivendell. Kili was standing by an archway looking out at the beautiful scenery when Fili approached him.

"They may be elves, but they sure know how to pick a good home, that is, if you like trees and waterfalls," Kili spoke softly, his hand gesturing at the scenery. He turned, looking his brother in the eye nervously. Fili was watching him carefully. The moonlight bathed them both in a soft glow and Fili reached up to tug on a lock of Kili's hair.

"I love you brother," Fili spoke, his face scrunched up in a worried way.

"I know," was the only thing Kili could say in return. He knew they'd have to broach this subject eventually, he just wasn't sure he was ready for it.

"And…am I right in saying, that you love me in return?" Fili asked him, letting his hand fall from Kili's hair.

"Y-yes." Kili stuttered. He watched as his brother looked around, and nodded a bit.

"I want to try something," Fili finally said. He looked down, gaining courage, then began to move closer to Kili, his hand up against the arch for support. Their faces hovered just next to each other and Fili's eyes travelled down to his brothers lips. Kili, startled, stepped backwards slightly and pushed himself fully into the arch behind him. They stayed like that a long while, then Fili groaned and pushed his body away from his brother's in a rush.

"I can't do it, it's too weird," Fili exclaimed, turning from his brother. He tugged at his hair and placed a hand on his hip in defeat. Kili felt both relieved and upset. The conflicting emotions played tug of war with his heart; he had wanted his brother to kiss him, but the thought of it still disturbed him. They were brothers after all. He understood exactly what Fili was saying.

"You're right, it is weird," Kili agreed. Fili exhaled then turned back to look at his brother, despair visible on his face. He walked close and picked up Kili's hands in his, gently rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs.

"What are we going to do?" Fili questioned. His eyes were filled with anguish.

"I'm not sure…," Kili spoke, clasping his brother's hands in return. They had another restless night ahead of them.

* * *

Fili was drenched to the bone with rain water. Not even his thick armor could protect him in this downpour. The company was inching across a path not but a foot in width, with a fall that would no doubt result in death. He stood next to his brother, catching him when he slipped on the wet rock below their feet. When rocks started falling atop them he clutched his brother's coat tightly and he felt Kili reach for his arm.

Then the rocks they were on moved and began to separate. Fili yelled out and stepped away from the cracks, his brother doing the same, but in the opposite direction. The realisation that they were atop one of the stone giants legs rushed over Fili. He had reached out to his brother, trying to keep him close, but they were too far separated, and the jump would be impossible with the slickness of the stone.

"Grab my hand!" Fili still yelled desperately. His brother was gripping the rock behind him tightly and his eyes were wide with terror. Fili had never seen his brother look so afraid. For a moment Fili thought this was it, that they would never see each other again, because how could they both possibly survive this. As Kili's face disappeared from view, Fili gasped out, hitting the rocks with his fist. He'd lost his brother, and the one he loved most in this world. The giant swayed and its legs moved powerfully. Fili watched the other leg constantly and finally he caught a glimpse of his brother again, still gripping the rock wall behind him tightly, then Fili watched as the other half of the company managed to escape from the giant to a stable section of the mountain. Fili was finally able to breathe. His brother was safe, and that was all that mattered.

He stumbled on the giant's legs with the hobbit and other dwarves around him, and someone yelled to jump. How they had made it to safety Fili did not know, but he collapsed in a pile on the rocky surface, not moving until his uncle lifted him into a hug. He saw his brother over Thorin's shoulder. Kili's face was wet, and though it may have been from the downpour, Fili was sure there were tears mixed in as well.

Later, after the dwarves had settled into a thankfully empty cave in the mountain Fili set up his bedroll next to his brother. The two lay beside one another, feigning sleep in front of the rest of the dwarves. They faced away from each other, backs pressed together. Fili felt his brother's back begin shaking against his and he turned toward him, placing a hand gently upon his shoulder.

"I thought I had lost you…," Kili finally whispered, wiping tears from his face.

"I thought my heart was going to die, just give out!" he continued, gasping for air now. Fili wrapped his arms around his brother spooning him from behind. When Kili turned his head to look at his brother Fili couldn't resist leaning in, lightly pressing his lips against Kili's soft ones. He pulled back quickly, unsure if he'd overstepped his boundaries. Kili said nothing, though his face was flushed, and his eyes were filled with confusion. Fili pushed his head into Kili's neck placing another light kiss there, and then he closed his eyes and rested his brow against his brother's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I..," Fili began, but his brother silenced him turning around to kiss him back. It wasn't glamorous. Their lips fumbled against each other, and soon Kili had pulled away, embarrassed by his actions. He turned quickly, lying back down.

"Don't be. Don't ever be sorry," Kili said. When Fili began moving away again to sleep a soft grip on his arm stopped him.

"Don't…I don't care who sees, just don't, not tonight," Kili voiced and Fili relaxed against him again, holding on to his brother tightly. He knew he'd regret sleeping against his brother like this in the morning, his erection already starting to grow. And he knew it was likely that one of the others in the cave would see them, someone might have already and they just hadn't noticed. But still he held his brother, his love, with equal parts acceptance and guilt plaguing his mind.

Luckily or unluckily, depending how you look at it, the floor caved in and they were falling into the caverns of the mountain.

* * *

As they reached the light outside of the goblin caves Fili took a moment to breathe in the fresh air, then immediately he sought out his brother. He'd been terrified for Kili in the caves. He was one of the youngest and felt like retching when the goblin king had mentioned using his torture devices on Kili. Fili knew it would kill him to watch his brother suffer, and die before him. He rushed over to Kili grabbing him where he stood and thrusting him up against a nearby tree.

He pushed himself against him aggressively and sought his lips. The first time he pulled back for air Kili protested, pushing gently at his body.

"Fili! Someone could see!" Kili stammered.

"I don't care. I thought they might kill you, torture you in front of my very eyes," Fili insisted pulling his brother back in for another kiss. Kili moaned lightly then pulled away again with a gulp, covering his mouth in surprise. Fili looked at him in shock before his brother grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the company.

"Come on, we can't fall behind!" Kili claimed, trying to forget the burning sensation on his lips.

* * *

After another attack by the orcs, and the near death of their uncle both brothers were wearing thin. This journey was turning into more of a terror than anything else. Fili was deep in thought over dinner. He enjoyed kissing his brother, and clearly, Kili had enjoyed it too, if that gasp meant anything. He wanted to touch his brother, go further with him, but the thought still gave him shivers. He was worried what others would think but more so he was worried what his brother would think. Fili wondered at how drastically this would change their relationship. They had always been best friends, but if they took their relationship a step further, if they made love…would they maintain that same brotherly bond they'd always had? Fili did not want to lose that. After dinner was finished, Thorin approached Fili, pulling him aside from the company.

"Fili, I saw you earlier, with Kili," he started and Fili squeezed his eyes tightly shut in dread. He wasn't ready to face this. If Thorin didn't approve of their relationship Fili wasn't sure what he would do. Kili was more important to him than anyone, but he certainly did not want to lose his uncle, he was like a father to him, and to Kili. Thorin gripped his shoulder lightly.

"Does he return your feelings?" Thorin asked and Fili saw his uncle's concern for him plain on his face. Fili nodded, relieved there was no disgust in his uncle's eyes.

"I can sense that you are filled with torment over this," Thorin released him then, and folded his arms.

"You know as well as I, that we cannot change who the fates have chosen for us," his uncle continued.

"I know, it's just…we're brothers. It's…difficult, to get past that and others will always think it strange," Fili spoke, shifting his feet looking to where his brother was eating supper.

"It is not common, I agree. But there are records of this happening before. You and your brother have always had a strong connection. Truthfully, I'm not all that surprised. It's hard to imagine you separate from one another," Thorin spoke with a small smile on his face.

"We will not judge you for this. No dwarf would. I cannot speak for…others," Thorin finished. He approached Fili placing his hand upon his shoulder once more in support before returning to the company. Thorin's words had warmed Fili. Knowing that they would be supported by the rest of the company's dwarves eased his heart slightly.

Fili waited until the others had all settled in for the night, and then he grabbed his brother, dragging him down the summit for some privacy. Fili kissed him, for a long while, and this time Kili did not push him away. Their mouths danced against each other desperately, and Fili sucked on his brother's tongue before pulling back to nibble at his lips. Fili trailed soft kisses down his brother's neck and Kili panted with pleasure. Their arousals were pressed into each other, and Fili grabbed his brother by the waist.

"I want to make love to you," He whispered in his brother's ear.

"What? Are…are you sure?" Kili said with surprise, still catching his breath. Fili did not speak, but started untying his brother's garments. He ran a hand down Kili's chest, the dark hairs flattened by his fingers. His hand hooked around the top of Kili's breeches and began to loosen them.

"Wait! Wait…," Kili rushed out, putting a hand on Fili's arm. Kili was breathing hard in arousal, but his eyes looked worried. Fili didn't ask him what was wrong, instead waiting for his brother to continue.

"I…I'm sorry, it's just, still so strange. I want you to, really I do, trust me. But then, I look at you, and I start thinking, this is my brother. We…grew up together. I'm so torn Fili," Kili finished, his eyes were watery and he seemed so unsure. Fili removed his hand from his brother's breeches and rested it gently on Kili's arm.

"Don't worry Kili, I shouldn't have pushed you, you know how I get," Fili smirked at him, his eyebrow rising in a teasing way. Kili smiled and laughed then raised a hand to grab at one of his brother's braids pulling him in for a gentle kiss. When he pulled back his eyes were serious again.

"Is this wrong?" Kili asked.

"How can love be wrong?" Fili questioned, stroking the back of his brother's head. Fili's eyes turned off to the side a moment, suddenly remembering his earlier conversation with their uncle.

"Thorin spoke with me earlier. He saw us, kissing," he started, watching the shock appear on his brother's face.

"Don't worry, he approves," Fili finished, and then he pulled away to sit against the rocks of the summit. Kili slunk down next to him, stretching his legs out. They watched the stars for a few moments before Kili started fidgeting.

"I'm hard," Kili said, retying his breeches and pouting slightly at his predicament. Fili turned to him, laughed loudly and shoved his shoulder lightly.

"Yeah…me too," Fili chuckled with an unashamed grin.

* * *

Their relationship developed slightly over the next few days. Fili would kiss his brother frequently, sometimes even deigning to hold his hand in front of the other dwarves. No one complained, or mentioned it. He caught Bilbo Baggins watching once, but the hobbit simply grinned at him and turned away. When the company entered Mirkwood for the first time, Fili kept his brother close, making sure to never lose him in the dark depths. They slept next to each other often kissing in the dark. It was another quiet night, and Fili embraced his brother from behind. He was kissing the back of Kili's neck and pushing his nose through his hair when his brother spoke.

"I…think…I'm ready to try again brother," Kili's voice whispered. Fili froze for a moment then placed his lips next to his brother's ear.

"Are you sure? You won't stop me this time? I must warn you…I don't think I'll be able to, once we start," Fili intoned, trying not to sound too eager.

"Yes…I'm sure. I love you brother. You'll always be my best friend. You'll always be my brother. And I will always love you. I'm sure," he whispered with confidence. Quiet as can be Fili began running his hands across his brother's body. He reached around him to undo the buttons and clasps on his shirt, sucking at his neck while he did so. Kili covered his mouth in an effort to not make any noise. This time when Fili's hands approached his brother's breeches Kili did not pull away. Instead he pushed back into his brother and grabbed tightly at his leg. Fili choked on a gasp, trying not to wake anyone up. He loosened his brother's breeches quickly, sliding them down his legs just a bit. His hands stroked his brother's hips then hovered next to where his arousal lay, hesitant to go further, and knowing he would not be able to turn back after.

Kili growled lightly then grabbed one of Fili's hands placing it on his cock. Fili breathed hard into his brother's hair, and explored the other dwarf with his hand. He couldn't see Kili in the blackness of the forest, but he felt everything, his size, not as thick as his own, but a bit longer. And he felt the stickiness of his brother's cum, leaking from him. Fili rushed to undo his own breeches, pulling his arousal out and resting it against his brother's behind. He placed his erection between his brother's legs and guided it slowly into him. It took a little effort but soon he was inside, thrusting gently against his brother.

Kili's hands were gripping him hard, one on his waist, the other reaching up to tangle in his blonde hair, pulling at the locks occasionally. Fili ran a hand across his brother's face, grazing his young beard, and then traced Kili's lips with a finger. He could hear and feel his brother's short quick gasps of air as they rocked together. Fili's other hand was still occupied with his brother's hardness, nestling in the hairs at its base and stroking it languidly. Fili had never felt so incredibly right in his short dwarven life. His brother was perfect. He quickened his thrusting, running his tongue up along Kili's ear. Fili felt his brother tighten around him and shake, then his cum was dripping out the tip of his cock and over Fili's hand.

"Unggh…ah, Kili," Fili gasped, thrusting a few more times, and then he came spurting inside his brother. The two remained like that, Fili inside of Kili, while they steadied their breathing and came down from their climax. Suddenly Fili was grasping Kili in a tight hold, tears coming to his eyes as he sobbed softly against his brother's back.

"Fili…?" his brother asked, obviously concerned he'd done something wrong. Fili laughed quietly through his tears, and he smiled against his brother's neck. Kili squeezed his arms tightly in return.

"I love you so much Kili, and you're right, I always will. Only you," Fili spoke, and he kissed his brother softly through the rest of the night.

* * *

AN: Done and done. I've gotten a few Thilbo prompts from reviewers, and I think I'll try and tackle some of those next!


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